precious.

so..
instead of wasting my time,
sitting and moping around,
while repeatedly listening to
'BREAKEVEN' by the script, or
'ALREADY GONE' by kelly clarkson,
and layan-ing my depressed soul,
.............
i actually
(with help of some very good buddies, god  bless them)
managed to haul my ass off to a 1-week vacation in SABAH.
(yep..after 19 years of living in malaysia, i finally set foot on the non-semenanjung part..!)


and i must say,
it did me a lot of good!
just the perfect remedy,
exactly what i needed to take my mind off stuff.
(thanx to GUNA and her sis, for planning and arranging everything, although it was kind of a last minute decision.. hehe.. but hey, evrything worked out just fine and we had an awesome time and that's what matters.)


anyways,
i certainly won't bore u with all the minute details of our time there.
but certain happenings i just wanna jot down here,
for the sake of having a good laugh while reminiscing my past history, later on in life.

- we went to a place called PORING, which consists of:
+ various pools. (which you have to fill up by yourself and actually wait for the water to fill up the pool... it's kinda like taking a bath in my grandma's "kolah air" kat kampung dulu...huhu)

+ hot water springs, which unfortunately were closed on the day we went.
+ a waterfall, with icy cold waterrrrrrrr....brrrrrr..
+ a picnic spot.
+ a canopy walkway.
i must say, the canopy walkway was the most eventful.
huhu.
firstly, we thought we were being so smart
when we decided to keep all our valuable stuff
(including our wallets) in the car.
and so we were confidently marching towards the waterfall,
and we passed the canopy walk counter on the way,
and someone pointed out that we had to actually buy tickets to enter.
everyone was so excited to reach the waterfall,
so we merely shrugged it off and
decided to deal with it later.
after freezing our butts off at the waterfall,
we approached the counter for the canopy walk.
i was busy chatting with an old school friend, ajai.
(whom i stumbled upon here, of all places!!)
so the rest went to take care of the tickets.
then i heard some commotion at the ticket counter,
which went sumthing like this.

"alamak pakcik,
kitorang tak bawak wallet la...

tertinggal dalam kereta.
tapi kitorang ade sket la duit.
ni ha ade 12 ringgit je,
tak cukup 3 ringgit la pakcik.
tolong la pakcik..
kitorang datang dari jauh ni.."

since things were getting interesting,
i hurriedly said bubbye to ajai
and joined the others.
so in the end,
we actually succeded in getting the tickets!!
hehe.
i guess their puppy faces worked la.
coz the pakcik finally agreed to let us
purchase 3 adult tickets and
2 children tickets.
hehe. gud work, gurls!!

then came the ticket collector at the entry site.

crap!

we were praying so hard

that he wouldn't check the tickets one by one and make a big fuss.

and again, luck was on our side.
so we happily trudged on through the canopy walkway.

while illegally snapping photos with full of caution.
(as i mentioned, we didn't even have money to pay for the tickets,

so how on earth were we gonna pay for the extra charge they had set for cameras???)

nway,
we arrived at the end of the walkway,
and again there was a guy there.
dammit!
he immediately asked for our tickets.
crapcrapcrap!!
i just knew rite then,
he must have caught us in the act while we
were too busy trying out various poses on the walkway!!
and i was rite.
he checked our tickets one by one,
and suddenly whipped out a booklet
(which reminded me of a policeman about to give us a saman):

"kamu ada bayar tak untuk camera tadi?"
".....(a moment of awkward silence)....."

"pakcik, maaf la, kitorang tak bawak duit!! tengok tu tiket tu, sebab tu kitorang terpaksa beli tiket kanak-kanak.."

the pakcik started smiling,
and replaced the 'saman' book in his pocket,
and said sumthing about letting us off this time blablablabla.
thank god he didn't decide to delete the photos we took!
OMG!!!
again we were lucky.
so malu-fying, though!
never have i ever had the experience of
begging for tickets on vacations before this!!
hahaha...gud and fun experience though.


------------


gosh.
we then realised sumthing.
it just seems that things are oweys happening here,
which repeatedly prove that
the people of sabah are really very nice!


------------


- another thing that got us all excited,
was of course island-hopping
and SNORKELLING!!!!

initially, after listening to the stories of our friends,
who we bumped into at the airport.
(each one of 'em looking well-tanned, and one even looked like a roasted lobster! hehehe)
we couldn't understand how they could spend hours doing nothing but snorkelling!!


but later, we totally understood and followed in their footsteps too.
i guess we were hyped coz it was a first-time experience,
plus we had a bunch of great teachers!!
- mr. joseph ( who actually dragged me out to sea without a life jacket just to prove that i could do it. plus, he said i have abnormal facial structure and my cheeks were too tembam, when i complained that water kept entering my goggles and nose-piece!!! hey, i can't help having high cheekbones and plump squeezable cheeks! muahahahahaha )
- adib ( who taught me a lot, and repeatedly teased me for not being able to float on my back )
- helmy ( who i found to be a really mysteriously intriguing guy! i guess i have a thing for mysterious guys. hoho. plus, he has a chain with a 'H' pendant on it, just like i do! sigh...it's been so long since i had silly little crushes like this. plus, gunavathy was layan-ing me!* crap. which reminds me of a snippet of a conversation we had in the car..

 

" weh fru...
ko boifren mlayu, cina, india sume dah pernah ade.
tanak add a sabah to your collection ke?"

nway,
i didn't even care that my skin was
looking more and more like a golliwog's.
the hours just seemed to fly by.
and suddenly it started to rain,
and we were forced to go back after visiting only 2 islands.

sigh.
that was sad.
plus we totally forgot about the water sports,
we were that engrossed in looking for fishies and coral reef.
well nvm,
i will definitely go snorkelling again in the future, that's for sure!!

 (p/s: we even had our own BAYWATCH moment, ockay! though that will not be discussed here, to avoid embarassment to a certain individual.)

----------------


- before i pen off,
i'd just like to mention a place totally worth visiting in sabah.
TIP OF BORNEO was damn awesome!
it definitely was worth the bumpy bumpy bumpy bumpy journey!!
such a gorgeously breathtaking view...
i daresay,
if given the opportunity,
i wouldn't mind just spreading out a rug and chilling there,
and just sit & stare at the view for a whole day.

-----------------

ockay,
i guess that's enuff babbling.
so, in a nutshell,
SABAH WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!


though i never thought i'd actually take a vacation there,
i'm certainly glad i did..
and i will definitely come again.

just to quote a famous phrase of a friend of mine,
DR. HISHAM,
(who we all declared as the most excited of the bunch of guys)
anyone who received an SMS from him would have this phrase in it:

"SABAH BEST WOOO!!!!!!"

i agree, hisham.
and i couldn't have put in any other better way!

(^_^)

.a.n.y.w.a.y.

"People are often unreasonable,

illogical and self-centered...

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives...

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,

you will win some false friends and some true enemies...

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

people may cheat you...

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

someone could destroy overnight...

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

they may be jealous...

Be happy anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough...

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see.....

In the final analysis,

it is between you and God..

It is never between you and them anyway."

-------------------------

just some wise words 

from my ayah.

thanx a bunch,

ayah.

---------------------

* moral of story of my recent life:

--> relationships are itself olredi so complicated..

why add more by engaging in inter-religious or inter-racial relationships?

( which i seem to do frequently...sigh..)

a friend in need is a friend indeed.

it was 12 am.

and i had dozed off.

supposedly waiting for my 'cousin'

whom my mom said wud be 

spending the night at our house.

then mama was shaking me.

"bangon wani, bangon"

i opened my eyes a wee bit,

and thought i was dreaming...

so i shut them again.

"oi bangon laaa"

dammit, 

it really was GUNA...from ipoh!

it was like my wish came true or sumthing.

(sape tak paham, means u didn't read my previous entry)

nways..

we stayed up till 4 am talking about my failed relationship.

sucks gile.

but surprisingly, there was no crying.

nope.

none.

probably,

i had exhausted my lacrimal glands,

and used up all my tears,

after 2 whole days of being a cry-baby.

so there were no tears.

 nway... thanx guna. really appreciated it.

* thanx also to my sis, liana,

for layan-ing me this weekend.

ur the besh!

;)

what do u do?

what do u do

when the person u have loved for 2 years suddenly decides to end things with u?

what do u do 

when u are confused and clueless as to the cause of this sudden decision?

what do u do

when u find out the reason is coz of a change in heart of a very important decision in life?

what do u do 

when someone who was very totally sure of converting suddenly decides he is not up to it, after 2 years of leading u on, with high hopes?

what do u do

when u finally have the permission and blessing of parents on both sides, which u have been waiting for like forever, but he suddenly decides he cannot cope with converting?

what do u do

when he just tells u this via a mere SMS? 

bad enuff not telling it to my face...

but not even having the decency to make a simple phone call??

hmm..

what do u do

when u burst out crying in a restaurant in front of ur parents and a bunch of other strangers, on reading this SMS?

what do u do 

when u break into fits of uncontrollable sobbing and wailing uncontrollably in the car while ur parents are confused and dunno what to do?

what do u do

when u reach home and can't bear to do anything else but lock urself in ur room and cry ur lungs out?

what do u do

when ur trying to lock urself in ur room but in every nook and corner, there is sumthing that he gave u or sumthing dat reminds u of him?

what do u do

when u lose ur appetite and have difficulty in sleeping?

what do u do

when u feel so reluctant to start deleting all his messages and his photos in ur phone?

what do u do

when ur dying to tell everything to ur sister but she is away at college and busy with exams?

what do u do

when u feel like curling up and crying with ur bestfriend but she is miles away in perak?

what do u do

when ur mom starts questioning u to come up with the rationality of his decision?

what do u do

when ur mom starts to wonder maybe u were the reason he made this decision?

what do u do

when u have confirmed with him that it is truely due to his not being able to proceed with this conversion, and that there is no possibility at all of fixing things in the future?

what do u do

when u don't wanna lose this perfect, rare and so-very-hard-to-find-nowadays guy who stops smoking+drinking+partying all for u without u even asking him to, who is caring and romantic, who is patient and understanding, who is funny and never fails to put a smile on ur face, who is sensitive and thoughtful, who is good with parents, who oweys has ur back and is oweys there for u, who is basically all u could ever want in a guy?

what do u do

when there's nothing u can do because it's a matter of religion?

what do u do

when u have to delete all ur photos together on facebook, with tears streaming down ur face?

what do u do

when u have to force urself to change ur status on facebook from "in a relationship" to "single"?

what do u do

when ur parents ask u to go out with them just to get u out of ur room, and u have to go and try to put on a smile and not be moody, just to not worry them?

what do u do

when u lie awake at night and can't seem to fall asleep while everyone else is already fast asleep, and suddenly the tears start flowing again?

what do u do

when u wonder whether he is as sad and devastated as u are?

what do u do

when u wake up in the morning after only 2 hours of sleep, and cry again, hoping that others won't hear u? 

what do u do

when u don't feel like doing anything but u force urself to pre-occupy urself with stuff to do, so that u will be too engrossed in these activities, so that u won't have time to cry, but still it lingers in ur head, and u feel a heavy weight in ur chest and tears start to well up everytime u think about it?

what do u do

when u have to run upstairs quickly to ur room everytime u feel the urge to cry?

what do u do

when u have to quickly blink the tears away and make the lump in ur throat go away before anyone notices ur crying....again?

what do u do

when u realise that u still love him so much and u miss him so badly, but there is simply nothing u can do...period.?

what do u do

when he says he feels the same way, but he too cannot do anything?

what do u do

what do u do

what do u do

???????????

since there is nothing u can do.

since there is nothing he can do.

what do u do?

what i have to do

is to let him go.

and pray for both his and my happiness.

which i will do.

slowly.

and just hope

i get better 

in time.

fake-calling..?

so i was flipping thru the 

user manual 4 my new phone.

and i came across a topic: Make fake calls.

as i mentioned, i was just flipping thru,

but this topic caused me to do a 'double-take' 

and go back to the page.

hmm...

why would someone wanna do such a thing?

nway i continue reading. 

Make fake calls.

You can stimulate fake incoming calls

when you want to get out of meetings or unwanted conversations.

You can also make it appear

as if you are talking on the phone

by playing back a recorded voice.

eish.

i think it's kinda weird.

recording ur voice, 

then pretending u get a call,

and listening to ur own voice,

and talking to urself...???

the things technology comes up with these days...

memorable 09.10.09

i 

do 

not 

intend 

to 

write 

a 

lengthy 

post.

this here is just a reminder to myself,

so that one of the most important days of my life can be etched in this memory of mine.

09.10.09

fru, on this date is when ur 5-year suffering as a med student ended.

(^_-)

  

emosh.

i am a very emosh person.

as i've been told,

by family.

and by fwens.

and no,
i do not deny that i am an emosh individual.
=p

rite now is a very emosh moment in my life.
probably the most emosh,
so far.

for the past 2 months
i have been:

--> at the library for nearly the whole day, 9am-12midnite daily.
(up to the point that someone said i've been camping at the library...hehe)
some might say "fuyooooo gile kiasu!! fuyoooo" .
wuteva. i have my reasons la ok.
i simply cannot (god knows i've tried so many frikking times) study kat bilik!!
too many distractions!
- comfortable bed which is just within an arm's reach of the study table.
- cooling air-conditioner which stimulates a longing for snuggling under warm comfortable comforter on bed.
- laptop full of movies and tele-series.
- laptop with internet with FACEBOOK and its many many many addictive activities, yadayadayada.
kesimpulannye, my room is just not a place for studying.

--> lugging goddamn heavy and thick as hell medical books
from my room to the library. to and fro. to and fro. to and fro.
some might be wondering "why the hell doesn't she just borrow the books from the library and stop complaining about aching arms?!"
simple. coz i have to scribble spontaneously/highlight phrases/make notes/draw matchstick men/write stupid or rude words/draw sumthing ridiculous and show it to mubin so that he laughs/slightly crumple a page if i get frustrated or if it's too complicating a topic.
i have to do all these things to my books,
and only then will i be able to study peacefully.
i know some people who treat their books
as if they're gonna return the book just as they bought it,
so they need to make sure
there is not even a dot of pen ink or pencil marks,
not even a folded or creased page, blablabla.
call me a destroyer or wuteva if u must,
but i paid for my books so suke ati aku le nak wat ape. hoho.
( nway, the only thing that turned out gud from this activity is the condition of my biceps! muahahaha. though i must say, my right arm appears more muscular.)
note to self: next time balance the weight of the books equally.


--> restricting my nightly (okla not every nite, but most nites. confirm mama bebel bace nih..lalalala) cinema visits.
this was pure torture, i must say.
there was one time, we were too frikking stressed and couldn't study anymore,
so we just went to see a movie.
BUT only after me and mubin had
drawn up a surat perjanjian on a piece of testpad paper,
which stated that it was gonna be our last night of relaxing,
which was later signed by both of us.
( i suggested we should also get 2 witnesses and ask for their signatures too,
but we were too eager to get our butts out of the library
so we didn't bother. huhu )
the only thing that turned out good from this
was that i managed to save some money.
gud thing too, since MARA has stopped giving us
our monthly cheques since september. boohoo.


--> wondering if there's something terribly wrong with my brain or if there's just a reduced capacity of my brain due to the slight atrophy secondary to lack of usage during the senior clerkship days.
i keep on studying the same thing over and over.
and yet i can't seem to remember or recall certain stuff.
this in turn just leads to further building-up of the pre-existing stress and anxiety.
sigh.


--> having a bad case of snacking in between meals.
(macam diabetic on insulin therapy pulak!)
it's just i get so famished during these study periods.
which leads to wolfing down a big meal.
which leads to sleepiness and drowsiness.
which leads to a quick drive to 7-11 to get a packet of pistachios
to stay awake or simply coz i'm having the munchies,
or sumtimes a quick drive to choice-shop to get a small carton of Haagen-Dazs macadamia nut ice-cream. uuuu yummy yummy.
yep, staying awake definitely is the most toughest job during these study periods. i think it's rather unfortunate that i detest coffee so much, but according to mubin, even coffee doesn't seem to work for him nowadays. hmmm..

--> seeing a whole lot of extra-hairy people.
hehe. in this college, if u see someone with a hell of a beard and scruffy long hair, it means they are having exams.
sometimes, it even takes a while to recognise who it is behind all that male hair.
(^_~)


--> easily pissed-off and irritable. i oweys get a tad more emosh as the exams are looming up. what with all the stress and lack of sleep.
so here i wud like to thank all fwens and family who have put up with me thruout this whole study period and exam week! luv u all!
* and a special thanks to mubin, who is constantly listening to me grumbling, complaining, crying, sighing, sobbing, nagging and what else more on a daily basis!!
thanks for being there for me, for consoling me, for urging me to study when i feel like giving up and most importantly for believing in me even more than i do...!!

thanks cyg :)



--> suddenly breaking into uncontrollable episodes of sobbing and crying episodes.
most people, including my parents, might not understand why i cry,
but i swear, SUMPAH! , that final year MBBS exam is the most mind-stressing, energy-draining, brain-tiring, soul-torturing exam that i have ever gone through.
sumtimes you just feel like giving up.
sumtimes you really regret studying medicine.
but then u think about your parents who have sacrificed so much,
and u look around at your frens and think " i want to graduate together with these people".
and u think about ur future.
sumtimes the crying episodes can't be avoided.
( i am pretty sure that i am not the only one!)
but it's ok, coz sumtimes these episodes lead to a
very relieving and soothing feeling afterwards~

nway nway nway,

all the exams are over now.
i dare not say that i did well.
but i hope i was pass-able.
even if they decide not to pass me,
i hope i get to go for re-assessment.
whatever it takes to pass!!!!!!

it has been a very tough journey indeed.
but manageable due to presence of
frens,
helpful lecturers,
family,
and also not forgetting my source of inspiration, the SAMSUNG JET.
hehehe.

now
all that's left to do is just pray hard
and wait for the results.
(even that is stressful....sigh.)
hope everyone makes it through..!


till then............~

grumpy.

just arrived in mlake.
immediately felt sucky and depressed,
just at the sight of the ayer keroh toll.
-sigh-



tadi kt umah.
getting ready 2 leave 4 mlake.

mama said : ni knape tibe2 grumpy nih?
i said : ah? nothing la ma...

truth is,
im oweys grumpy on the day dat i'm supposed to leave my safe comfortable sanctuary in kampung scudie.
coz
- i hate going back 2 mlake.
- i hate having to face the reality that i need to start studying tomorrow.
dammit.

-----------------------

p/s: thanks mama, for the yummy sotong and spicy chicken that you thoughtfully cooked and packed for me and mubin. i know it will be yummy even though tak rase pon lagi. and i know mubin will sms u later and say "thanks auntie for the food. it was delicious!"
muahahahaha.

;)

1/4 century.

this post is spashly for
1 of my besfwens, GUNAVATHY,
as today is her birthday!




epi 25th burfday, guna!!!!!!!
ni kire bday card aku la ek, guna?
Hehe.


nways,
I just wanna say thanks...



- thanks 4 helping me with my portal hypertension case presentation in muar, with veena. ( guna’s favourite lecturer, who oweys asks her to take care of her long nails. haha.. )


- thanks 4 listening and layan-ing my stupid crushes dolu2! Haha..daymn.



- thanks 4 coming all the way to my messy room, (she was actually busy doing sumthing with sentil at the time when I called her), just to comfort me while I was having my ultimate horrible-breakdown-crying-like-hell moment, due to you-know-who-he-who-must-not-be-mentioned-ever-again. Daym. so pathetic, I know.


- thanks 4 helping me find my gold anklet yang kononnye hilang.
( I was almost in tears, padehal ade kat mak guard ostel. Hehe)



- thanks 4 fighting bravely along with me, against that stupid pakcik yang gesel keta aku mase kite nak gi tesco, with his pregnant bitchy wife, who was shouting2 at us padehal mmg salah die. Ish ish ish geram sial.


- thanks 4 accompanying me 2 make my 1st ever police report!
(Hehehe. Padehal tade la terok mane pon keta aku tuh, saje je nak merase.)



- thanks 4 making our genting trip actually happen. That was soooo much fun!!


- thanks 4 letting me stay during electives.
= beshnye setiap ahad, waiting 4 amazing race asia + supreme Sunday CSI..hahaha.
= bringing me 2 see mubin during my birthday surprise (yang tak jadi) kat jusco ipoh! (hahaha..lawak gile la that time. All spoilt coz of mubin pulak tu. Adoiii.thanx nway. hehe)
= bringing me 2 kellie’s castle in the pouring rain. Romantis nye! Haha


- thanks 4 teaching me stuff in our ‘study sessions’. Sori 4 oweys bullying u to be the teacher.





- thanks 4 letting me sleep over in ur room, while we played that chicken-spelling-game on ur laptop, until we actually finished all the levels!
(kite mmg power la.haha)
>

- thanks 4 coming down all the way from 3rd floor ladies hostel, just to help me park my car!! (daymn. Time tu baru dapat keta. Tak reti parking!)


- thanks 4 teaching me 2 do reverse parking dengan pakarnye!
(now I oweys brag 2 mubin. Hehe)



- thanks 4 coming to my room to make sure I was still alive, when I locked myself up and went on a crying spree after ophthal EPT, which I was so sure I was gonna fail.


- thanks 4 forcing me 2 do urinary catheterization on that patient with scoliosis in muar.
(kalau tak, sampai bile2 pon aku tak buat kot. Hehe)



- thanks 4 trying 2 gimme tips on that patient with murmurs 4 our medicine EPT in muar. (last2, lakshmi bawak aku gi patient COPD.)


- thanks 4 teaching me (in such an effective manner, may i add!!) about IgG and IgM for dengue fever before our SPA interview.
(hahahaha…confirm aku xkan lupe ajaran UNIK ko tuh sampai bile2)


----------------------------------

nih kalau nak sambung lagi,
memang loadsssssss more!
tapi nanti ko lazy pulak nak bace.
hehehe.

so
in a nutshell,
### thanx 4 oweys being there 4 me...!! ###
(alamak. jiwang seyh aku. kakakkaka. biarla skali skale.)
and thanx for making my days in mmmc
at least bearable!


regardless of what people might say,
(as if i care pon)
she is still and will oweys be
one of my very few and limited besfwens...


luv ya, babe.



p/s: adiah nanti lpas osce aku carik eh!

(^_~)

stress detox-ing.

this moment in time.
where i am rite now.
has got to be the most stressful EVER,
most dreaded,
final hurdle in a med student's life.

after 5 years of brain-cramming,
finally,
it all comes down to
4 theory papers
and 3 practical exams.
of which the outcome is a matter of life-and-death.

(drama queen...!)

but really.

- who wants to spend another 6 months in med skool!! (spashly this college)
- who wants to face this dreadful, agonizing, traumatic-3month-stressful period all over again!!
- who wants to see their fwens of 5 years come for their graduation ceremony and think "i was supposed 2 be there too, smiling laughing celebrating with them"..!!
- who wants to browse thru facebook and see all their fwens updates on their new hospital posting, their new garang H.O.D, their cute M.O., their amusing patients, their joys of performing procedures or assisting surgeries, their hectic hectic life as a doctor, blablabla... and wishing so badly that u had passed ur final MBBS along with them too.

im sure none of us wud like this person above to be us.
let's just pray and hope for the best.

nways.

my 1st two theory papers were ultimate disasters.
im not even gonna bitch about it anymore.

done that on facebuk olredi hehe.
( sape kate aku tak power spot soalan.. sume soalan2 yang kluar untuk 2nd paper are the topics which i decided to skip confidently while doing my last-minute revising. damn. my instincts are certainly not to be trusted. )
naseb baek the 3rd paper was ok.
actually some of the questions were ridiculously easy,
that we even repeatedly read it over and over just to make sure it wasn't a trick question!
but hey who's complaining,
im glad it was do-able.
hopefully it can make up for my devastating marks in the previous 2 papers.
sumbodi from another batch said "hey we got some of those questions too for our unis exam!! u know, its easy coz DR. U is the one who set the medicine questions"
no wonder.
die memang baik orangnye.

thanx DR.U!
hoping the next final paper will be do-able too.
that's the last chance i hav to grab as many marks as possible to make sure i pass the theory component of my exams.
=(

after this will be the most horrifying part of the final MBBS exam.
long case and 3 short cases!!
this is where people usually mess up.
like sumbodi told me a few days ago " ala. forget these theory papers la. probably they dont even mark our papers! practical exam more important."
i get shivers down my spine just thinking about short cases!
plus i can be such a troublesome-nervous-wreck at these crucial moments of my life!
oh well.

we'll just see how evrything goes.


this weekend im taking some time off studying,
at least for 1 day.
i just cant take all the pages and pages of medical blabber anymore.
and while i am chill-axing,
i've been berangan-ing of wat to ask my parents for my graduation present!

( hahaha...i know.. TAK MALU BTOL AKU NIH )
plus i know my ayah + mama will read my blog!
hehehe.
bagus2.

dear ayah,
i want a new phone!
coz my phone (which i bought with my own money) really sux big time!
the keypads keep cracking.
and i keep on spending 70 bucks to repair the stoopid keypads,
(which will later crack anyway after only a few days!!
the longest i've managed to not crack the keypads is for 2months.
and it's not my fault ok. the keypads are just damn fragile.)
so ayah i want phone SAMSUNG JET ok!
hehehehe

boley la ayah.
pleeeez, pleeeeeez, pleezzzz!

(^___^)

reasons why ayah shud get me a SAMSUNG JET:
- coz i didnt ask for i-phone which is much much much expensiver!
- coz dah lame tak mintak present!
- coz boley kire as 2-in-1 la, graduation + bday present!
( if i pass la.... AMINNNNNNN )
- coz initially thought of asking for laptop, tapi since this phone is so crappy.............hehe.
- coz this would be the last thing that u would be buying for me, coz after this when i start working, i'll have to buy evrything using my own money!
( tambah ngan adeq aku si liana yang tak malu, yang awal2 dah booking nak ipod + sony ericsson phone when i get my pay nanti. amboiamboi! )

so.
i am gonna pray really really hard that i will pass this exam so that
- i can make my parents proud and repay them for all their usaha.
- i can get a SAMSUNG JET. (hopefully)
- i can start working and buy myself + my family stuff with my own money! yippee!

ok nak gi study skarang!
semangat! semangat!

hehhe.

gud luck all!!!!!!!

i HATE interviews. so much!

i am a nervous person.

i am an interview-phobic.

i am a viva-phobic.

i am a public speaking-phobic.

aish....snang cakap la, aku nih pemalu la.

(wakakakakaka)

sriusly i hate interviews/viva.

even for the SPA interview today,

yang sumorang dok ckp:

- "ala, chill la. diorang misti pass kan punye"

- "ala rilek a beb. mane de orang penah fail seblom nih"
- "ala xde pe la. diorang memang akan amek kite keje punye!"

ituh pon aku still boley cuak!

palpitations xpayah cakap la.

restless leg syndrome pon ade haa..

like someone was saying mase tgh tunggu turn tadi,

orang A: weyyy this is worse than waiting for MV KUMAR'S viva weyyyy...

orang B: ye la.... if MV KUMAR'S viva, we are preparing to be sent out, which is not that hard to do!
hahaha..

tapi memang agak stress la,
tunggu 4 jam untuk interview yg 10 minit je.
dengan nak kene hafal name2 menteri with titles yang berjela-jela yang lagi panjang lebar dari their actual names!

dengan akak admin yang dok kasi tips2 last minute. (which was good la, but last minute cramming and mugging-up is so stressful!)
dengan catching a glimpse of muke interviewer yang nampak garang. (naseb baek die baek)

eish.

wateva, im just glad it's over.

overall it was ok i guess.

cuma satuh soalan je yang still lingering kat kapla hotak aku nih.

eish.

of all questions, soalan ni la yang auntie SPA tuh nak tanye akuh kan...

auntie SPA: ok hazwani, awak buat elektif kat mane ye dulu?
aku: hospital raja permaisuri bainun, ipoh.
auntie SPA: so, kalau bandingkan patient kat mlake ngan ipoh, mane awak rase lagi ramai?

(crapcrapcrap!!!!! ni soalan jenis ape ni?? trick question ke apeeee? seriusly aku blank gile mase nih, tatau nk ckp pe...ahhhh bantai je ah )
aku: aaaaa..ipoh kot, sbb ward die mmg besaaar and slalu penuh.
(then aku terfikir, tapi ward mlake pon slalu penoh!!dammit.)

tibe2..
DR dari hosp mlake: ooo..so patient kat mlake tak ramai la eh?

(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....adoiyaiiiiiii! shyte.shyte.shyte! senyuman kambing aku pon terkuar)
aku: aaa...eh ramai jugak, doctor. tapi hosp ipoh tu nampak mcm besar kot. eh tapi mlake ade old block ngan new block kan? hmm. alamak, saya pon tak brape pasti la doctor. he he.
(malu sial. bengang. malu. malu. seb baek laa aku nih tak leh blushing atau pon mmg xnmpk kot kalau aku blush. hahaha.)

dah balik bilik baru aku terpikir,

aku rase jawapan die hosp mlake lagi ramai kot.

sbb perak ade byk hosp

tapi mlake ade 1 hosp je!

dammit.

tadi tak terpiker lak.

i guess dat's just me being me.

maen cakap je, tak piker panjang dulu.

eish....

hope all goes well la.

pliz auntie SPA,
pleeeeease?
hehe.

Just Stuff.

phew.
just finished the 1st MEQ paper 4 sessionals.
which was quite okay,
(lalala...not mentioning the 20 marks i olredi lost due to the so-totally-unexpected ophthalmology question on SQUINT!! eish...nvm. lulus. tu je aku nak.)

this past 1 week a.k.a STUDY BREAK was so fucked-up!
hahaha

i dunno if i was studying hardly,
or hardly studying !!!

nways,
there was 1 day,
i managed to survive ONE WHOLE DAY without checking out facebook!
(ockay, for me, that is a "WOW!!")

--------------------------------

and 2 weeks ago,
i actually (kononnye la) berazam untuk mula membaca suratkhabar,
and so i finally bought MY 1ST EVER NEWSPAPER!!
sadly though,
there it lies on my table,
since 21/07/09,
untouched,
unopened,
unread.
(not even the front cover!)
there goes my failed attempt at improving my general knowledge,
since i am so so so so so so so so DAFT
when it comes to all this stuff about the
menteri's and kononnye important people in malaysia.

------------------------------

sunday nite,
an ant bit my eye!
yes.
AN ANT BIT MY EYE.
to be more specific,
it bit my conjunctiva.

our bontots were numb from studying,
so we decided to go grab some kfc.
mubin was telling me sumthing bout neonatal jaundice.
suddenly i felt a drop of water on my eyelids.
the next moment,
i was feeling PEDIH-GILE-BABI-MACAM-SIAL in my left eye.

me: mubin, ade bende dlm mate aku. saket gile!
mubin: ah? ye ke? mane, tengok, tengok.
me: ow! ow! pedih!
mubin: btol ke ni?
me: btol la xkan nk tipu!! owww! mubin, fuck saket gile la weh. macam batu je.
(my eyes started watering like crazy)
mubin: alamak, sayang nangis ke? sini2 get in the car sayang, ade lampu. let me take a look.
(i'm rubbing my eyes like crazy)
(in the car,mubin pasang lampu.)
mubin: sini syg, lemme see.
(i retracted my eyelids)
mubin: oh fuck. jap sayang, lemme find my pen-torch.
me: nape mubin!! ade ape! ape die!
mubin: jap sayang, jap. cari torch dulu.
(he rummages around in his messy car to find his labcoat)
me: adoi ckp je la, ape bende tu!! saket gile la ni!
(i start sobbing)
mubin: alamak jap sayang! ok ok dah jumpe. open ur eyes again.
me: cepat la. ow!!
mubin: semut la sayang. besar gile!
me: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! kuar kan la cpat!!!
mubin: ok ok. macam mane. ok we go 2 my house, lemme go get cotton bud ok sayang?
me: ok la ape2 la. asalkan aku tak buta!
mubin: ok ok jom!
(we drive off from gazebo to his house in top speed!)
(he runs into his house and returns with a pack of cotton buds)
me: cepat cepat. pedih nak mampos.
(my eyes are still watering like hell)
mubin: ok2 tahan sket ok sayang.
(he pokes around in my eye with the cotton bud)
me: oww!!! mubin sakeeetttt!! ow ow ow!!!
(i start crying macam budak kecik yang hilang mak)
me: saket saket saket!
mubin: sayang jangan nanges. sket lagi je.
(he continues poking around)
(my crying worsens to a whole new level)
mubin: sayang jangan la nanges.
(even he is on the brink of tears, and nearly crying himself!! hahaha jahat nye aku)
me: dah la tu, saket gile, xpayah la.
mubin: sayang, susah la. jom kite gi klinik ok? i drive fast2 one! please, sayang?
me: (nanges mcm ape tah) ok ok.
(mubin drives off at top speed, swearing at all the slow cars obstructing us, while repeatedly saying "sayang jap eh, dah nak sampai dah, tahan ok".
seriously time tu, aku rase macam pompuan pregnant yang dah ruptured membranes @ pecah air ketumban!!! wakakaka)

at the clinic.
DR: halo. knape ni?
me: ade bende masok mate la doc. pedih!
mubin: ha'ah. tadi dah cube kuar kan tapi takleh la doc.
DR: ok mari sini saya tengok.
DR: aiyo! manyak besar itu sumut! i can see it from here!
me: tau pon! mmg besar and pedih, doc! boleh tak kuarkan skang?
DR: ok ok. aiyo manyak besar lo. akak, tolong amik itu cotton bud.
NURSE: nah, doctor. nape ni dik?
me: semut dalam mata. (adoi brape kali nk ckp)
NURSE: uish besar nye!
me: ha'ah besar. (ish cpat la doc ni!)
DR: nurse, tolong basahkan cotton bud ni.
me: (ha'ah la!! tadi tak terpikir lak nak suruh mubin basahkan dulu! adoi la)
mubin: tadi lupe nak basahkan cotton bud, sayang!
NURSE: adoi nape tak basahkan?
me: (baru nk jawab, tapi doc dah mule korek mate aku)
DR & NURSE: aiyo! die tanak kuar la!
NURSE: yela. die dah gigit kat dalam mata tu!
me: hah??????? (nak mule nangis lagi)
DR: i think we have to use something else. nurse, tolong amikkan forceps.
me: whattttt??!! doc, btol ke forceps!
mubin: chill sayang, chill. ok kot.
me: forceps!! oh my god!
DR: xpe, kejap ye.
(mubin grabs my head and retracts my upper eyelid)
DR: ok aa. u tengok kanan ok, jangan kasi gerak itu mata.
me: okayyy (trembling voice)
DR: ok aa. kejap. kejap. aiyok!
me: nape? ape jadi???
DR: tade ape la. haha. ini u punye sumut.
(he puts a big fat red ant on his table)
me: wahhhh...besar kan doc? (wiping my tears of joy..haha..mcm baru branak pulak)
DR: memang besar! u mau ka itu sumut?
me & mubin: hahhh???
me: no way! haha. xpe la doc, no thank you.
DR: btol ka tamau? ok la u boleh pegi la.
me: yeay! tenkiu aa doc.
mubin: eh doc, u dont have to give her eyedrops ke?
DR: boley la, if u want.
mubin: ok tenkiu doc.

at the counter.
NURSE: nah ini ubat, 2 drops 3 times a day ok
me: eh ni ubat ke placebo ni mubin?
(she actually gave us a kind of small plastic vial with clear fluid in it.)
mubin: tah. macam air kosong je. tah2 saline je kot.
(mubin studies the pack)
mubin: laaa. ni artificial tears la. bapak aku pakai ni!
me: hahahahahaaha. memang placebo la ni.xpela. dah, jom gi kfc.
mubin: ok. meh pakai eyedrops dulu.

so yah,
that was my 1st experience of foreign body in the eye.
haha.
pastu balik library,
mubin: sayang, maybe this is a sign la. we should study foreign body for ophthal!
me: tak la. aku rase ni balasan la, arituh kan aku pijak2 semut2 kat bilik aku tuh.hahaha

daymn.
naseb baek la tak stadi pon
buang mase je
kuar squint bongok tu
haha
(padan muke aku, sape suro tak bace topic penting tuh)

ok la.
ngantoks.
nak tido.
till then.
ciaoooo.
;)

thE huMane aNts.

hmm.
rase macam lame lak tak menjenguk kamu, wahai blog.
while resting my pseudo-paralysed fingers due to writing the oh-so-irritating medicine cases,
i'll just mention sumthing that just happened a few moments ago.


i'm writing my cases.
in my room.
with the aircond at 20 degrees.
and my window wide open.
(dunno why i do that. membazir.
tapi dh dipakse bayar rm400 sebulan. so xkesah. kot.)
while listening to ZEE AVI's songs.
(i tremendously luv her 'klasik' voice!!
the 1st time i heard her song BITTER HEART,
damn, cairrrrrrr maa.
hehe. dunno why, but when i hear her voice,
i immediately envision mary poppins
or some other old-timer in a black-&-white video clip.
it's that 'klasik'.
anyways, if someone hadn't told me that she was
actually a malaysian born in sarawak,
i would have totally passed her off as any random western singer.
such a talented lass, i must say!
malaysia boley!! heh. xpasal2 pulak)


ok back to the story.
i just finished copying down my patient's investigations.
and i felt like going to the loo.
so i got up from my stool.
then, a flurry of movement on the floor caught the corner of my eye.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!





there were like a thousand ants,
ok mebbe 50 ants la,
crowding on a tile, on my floor, in my room!

then,
out of nowhere,
my spongebob-room-slippers-cladded feet started stomping
on the creatures hoarding my floor tile.
(i know those of u insect-lovers must be saying:
--> "ish kejam aa.."
--> "ish tak baek aa.."
--> "ish nanti kat nerake, ko pulak kene pijak ngan semut2 tu"
i know, i know,
it's a mean and horrible thing 2 do.
but it was just reflexly done.
not on purpose.
so xpe la kan.)

nway after my ants-stomping rampage had ended,
i looked down 2 see small black dots scattered on the 'battlefield',
which is a tile.
on the floor.
in my room.

i actually felt that i had done something pretty monstrous,
but i was also puas hati.
then i went to the loo and did my business yang tergendala seketika.
on my way out of the loo,
i once again glanced at the 'battlefield',
admired the efforts of my reflex-rampage,
and decided to sweep up the brave army of ants later.


so then i continued writing my cases.
after around 20 minutes or so,
i felt like drinking melon milk,
so again i got off my stool.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
the 'battlefield' was deserted!
i mean, it was clean & clear!
spotless!

hmm...
how? why? who? what? when? where?
ok. so, bilik aku memang tade hantu.
then there must definitely be a logical explanation 4 all this.

i squatted down near the 'battlefield'
and noticed 2 more dead soldiers still there,
and a few ants (alive) scurrying around near them.
(NO, this time i did NOT go on a stomping rampage.
see, i'm not that kejam. )

then..
i witnessed sumthing that was just amazing.
(to me, it was amazing la.. tatau la kalau aku ni jakun ke ape. )
the live ants were actually gathering up their dead friends,
each one picked up a friend using their lil' antenna thingys tuh,
and carried them back to their home, i suppose.

daymn.
no wonder the 'battlefield' was spotless.



i must admit,
it was a pretty touching scene.
and got me thinking.
"how can ants be so humane?
hell, even people (some of them) are not that humane.
harap name je ade perkataan 'human', tapi humane-nye tah ke mane."

-----------------------------------

pengajaran pada hari ini
::a lesson learnt is a lesson learnt,
no matter what or whom we learn it from::
sekian.

-----------------------------------

p/s: to those yang ingat aku tipu,
(ape? ingat aku dah tade bende laen nk tulis kt snih agaknye),
u can go on ur own stomping rampage and see 4 urself.
tapi kalau ants kat bilik korang tak humane,
well that's a different story now, aint it.
;)

~Lyfe is shoRt~

when it doesn't rain
it snows.
yeah the cookie crumbles
but in who's hands?
all things said
and all things done
life is short.

oh i am young
but i have aged.
waited long to seize the day.
all things said
and plenty done
life's too short.

could this be?
could this be the day
i've waited for?

another door to peek in through
the floor is filthy

but the couch is clean.
at the end of the day
that's another day gone.
life is short.

oh i am young
but i have a past.
travelled far to find the start.
yes i am scared
and i've been burnt.
but life is short.

could this be?
could this be the day i've waited for?

psYchopAth ovErdoSe..!

okay, so these past 7 days, i've been getting 'acquainted' with a bunch of
nutjob-wacko-are u frikkin serius-totally cuckoo psychopaths!!!

thank god, they're not really psychopaths that i mingle with in my evryday life.
thank god, they're only on the big screen of the cinema or the small screen of my laptop.

hehe..

but still!
all in one week......


suddenly got me thinking that it is indeed scary
to think that there is such a species of these homo sapiens out there..
sumwhere.

mebbe it's our own classmate.
mebbe it's our neighbour.
mebbe it's our room-mate.
mebbe it's our colleague.
mebbe it's our bibik.
mebbe it's a member of our family.
mebbe..
mebbe..
mebbe...

uuuuuuu... sending shivers down my spine olredi..
=p



1st psychopath of the week:
Ali Larter, in 'OBSESSED' : a hot-but-incredibly sicko psycho temporary secretary,
who insists on stalking her boss (who is married to beyonce) in the most freakish manner ever...

2nd psychopath of the week:
David Dash, in 'DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES' : such fabulous blue eyes!! unfortunately, with such a twisted mind. he actually moved to a new place, just so that he could be close to a couple who accidentally killed his wife & daughter once upon a time in a car accident, so that he could 'return the favour' by killing the couple's son instead.

3rd psychopath of the week:
Henry Wakefield, in 'HARPER'S ISLAND' : a psycho, adopted, groom-to-be who invited all his friends to his wedding on an island. he had actually planned a killing spree with his real father, who happened to be a famous killer on the island few years before that and who everyone thought was dead. so all his friends dropped dead, one by one, in some of the most gruesome ways! aim of this killing spree was to eventually live on the abandoned island with his oldest best friend/childhood fantasy gurl,ABBY, together, forever, just the two of them. (even though he knows that abby is actually his sister. but according to him, it doesnt matter coz there's noone left on the island, so noone will know). sick..!

---------------------------------------------------------


nways.
it just shows that

u never know...
- just how psycho ppl can really be,
- just how twisted and fucked-up some people's thoughts can be,
- just how u may not even realise that u may be someone's psycho victim.

muahahahahahahaha.......

teaRs + go0sebumPs....!!

this here,

is wut caused my
miserably failed attempt
of not wanting to weep
so badly ...
go away, oh goosebumps of mine!

poor paris jackson...

i luv my ayah too..!

.a ruDe awaKeniNg.

this morning
i had an interruption of yummy sleep
and was rudely awakened
by the damn-shrill-dat-its-so-frikkin'-irritating hostel fire alarm
at 9 am on a SUNDAY MORNING!!!
arghh..



----------------------------------------


9.00 am:
thinking it was just the normal 5-minute-alarm dat sumtimes happens,
i just shut my eyes and planned on continuing 2 sleep.


9.07 am:
dammit! bising!
open my room door,
take a peek outside,
no sign of life at all.
return to bed.


9.15 am:
damn thing is still making a terrible ear-splitting racket!
dah mule cuak.
is there really a fire?!
pull back my curtains, open the window.
take a look around and sniff the air.
nope.. nothing suspicious or out of the ordinary.
open room door again, still a dead corridor.
close door.
start staring around the room.




9.20 am:
still staring around room,
making a mental note of what 2 grab,
in case i hear people running down the corridor.
(though i am fully aware dat we are not supposed 2 grab anything but our bodies in case of a fire)

result of mental note:
1. a backpack with
- laptop and external hard disk.
- iPod.
- a Jeffrey Archer novel & a David Baldacci novel that i just bought
yesterday, and haven't gotten around 2 reading yet.
- a folder containing all my important documents since birth.
- some decent clothes coz i dont wanna be seen running around in
inappropriate sleeping apparel.

2. a small overnite bag with all the handmade cards and notes
from mubin & everything else dat he has given me.
(try 2 sumbat as much as i can!)

3. wallet

4. handphone

5. car keys!

( sadly, no mention of clinical books or equipment. at all.)

9.25 am:
open door.
still a dead world out there.
contemplate whether or not to start grabbing stuff.
suddenly thinking:

" this is silly!! evryone else is not panicking.
some are probably still snoring through the whole ordeal.
i think i'll just go take a shower.
that way, if there really is a fire, i'll be fresh to start running.
and that'll be one less thing 2 stuff in my backpack."

9.30 am:
in the shower.
la-dee-da.
suddenly,
silence.
...
..
.
GREAT!!
just when i decide 2 shower,
datz when the damn thing will quiet down.
should hav known...

well.
maybe its a sign.
a sign telling me 2 get my ass out of bed early on a sunday morning, for once, to study!!


or......
maybe not.
since im blogging rite now.

so,
no.
its not a sign.

DAMN.