what do u do?

what do u do

when the person u have loved for 2 years suddenly decides to end things with u?

what do u do 

when u are confused and clueless as to the cause of this sudden decision?

what do u do

when u find out the reason is coz of a change in heart of a very important decision in life?

what do u do 

when someone who was very totally sure of converting suddenly decides he is not up to it, after 2 years of leading u on, with high hopes?

what do u do

when u finally have the permission and blessing of parents on both sides, which u have been waiting for like forever, but he suddenly decides he cannot cope with converting?

what do u do

when he just tells u this via a mere SMS? 

bad enuff not telling it to my face...

but not even having the decency to make a simple phone call??

hmm..

what do u do

when u burst out crying in a restaurant in front of ur parents and a bunch of other strangers, on reading this SMS?

what do u do 

when u break into fits of uncontrollable sobbing and wailing uncontrollably in the car while ur parents are confused and dunno what to do?

what do u do

when u reach home and can't bear to do anything else but lock urself in ur room and cry ur lungs out?

what do u do

when ur trying to lock urself in ur room but in every nook and corner, there is sumthing that he gave u or sumthing dat reminds u of him?

what do u do

when u lose ur appetite and have difficulty in sleeping?

what do u do

when u feel so reluctant to start deleting all his messages and his photos in ur phone?

what do u do

when ur dying to tell everything to ur sister but she is away at college and busy with exams?

what do u do

when u feel like curling up and crying with ur bestfriend but she is miles away in perak?

what do u do

when ur mom starts questioning u to come up with the rationality of his decision?

what do u do

when ur mom starts to wonder maybe u were the reason he made this decision?

what do u do

when u have confirmed with him that it is truely due to his not being able to proceed with this conversion, and that there is no possibility at all of fixing things in the future?

what do u do

when u don't wanna lose this perfect, rare and so-very-hard-to-find-nowadays guy who stops smoking+drinking+partying all for u without u even asking him to, who is caring and romantic, who is patient and understanding, who is funny and never fails to put a smile on ur face, who is sensitive and thoughtful, who is good with parents, who oweys has ur back and is oweys there for u, who is basically all u could ever want in a guy?

what do u do

when there's nothing u can do because it's a matter of religion?

what do u do

when u have to delete all ur photos together on facebook, with tears streaming down ur face?

what do u do

when u have to force urself to change ur status on facebook from "in a relationship" to "single"?

what do u do

when ur parents ask u to go out with them just to get u out of ur room, and u have to go and try to put on a smile and not be moody, just to not worry them?

what do u do

when u lie awake at night and can't seem to fall asleep while everyone else is already fast asleep, and suddenly the tears start flowing again?

what do u do

when u wonder whether he is as sad and devastated as u are?

what do u do

when u wake up in the morning after only 2 hours of sleep, and cry again, hoping that others won't hear u? 

what do u do

when u don't feel like doing anything but u force urself to pre-occupy urself with stuff to do, so that u will be too engrossed in these activities, so that u won't have time to cry, but still it lingers in ur head, and u feel a heavy weight in ur chest and tears start to well up everytime u think about it?

what do u do

when u have to run upstairs quickly to ur room everytime u feel the urge to cry?

what do u do

when u have to quickly blink the tears away and make the lump in ur throat go away before anyone notices ur crying....again?

what do u do

when u realise that u still love him so much and u miss him so badly, but there is simply nothing u can do...period.?

what do u do

when he says he feels the same way, but he too cannot do anything?

what do u do

what do u do

what do u do

???????????

since there is nothing u can do.

since there is nothing he can do.

what do u do?

what i have to do

is to let him go.

and pray for both his and my happiness.

which i will do.

slowly.

and just hope

i get better 

in time.