emosh.

i am a very emosh person.

as i've been told,

by family.

and by fwens.

and no,
i do not deny that i am an emosh individual.
=p

rite now is a very emosh moment in my life.
probably the most emosh,
so far.

for the past 2 months
i have been:

--> at the library for nearly the whole day, 9am-12midnite daily.
(up to the point that someone said i've been camping at the library...hehe)
some might say "fuyooooo gile kiasu!! fuyoooo" .
wuteva. i have my reasons la ok.
i simply cannot (god knows i've tried so many frikking times) study kat bilik!!
too many distractions!
- comfortable bed which is just within an arm's reach of the study table.
- cooling air-conditioner which stimulates a longing for snuggling under warm comfortable comforter on bed.
- laptop full of movies and tele-series.
- laptop with internet with FACEBOOK and its many many many addictive activities, yadayadayada.
kesimpulannye, my room is just not a place for studying.

--> lugging goddamn heavy and thick as hell medical books
from my room to the library. to and fro. to and fro. to and fro.
some might be wondering "why the hell doesn't she just borrow the books from the library and stop complaining about aching arms?!"
simple. coz i have to scribble spontaneously/highlight phrases/make notes/draw matchstick men/write stupid or rude words/draw sumthing ridiculous and show it to mubin so that he laughs/slightly crumple a page if i get frustrated or if it's too complicating a topic.
i have to do all these things to my books,
and only then will i be able to study peacefully.
i know some people who treat their books
as if they're gonna return the book just as they bought it,
so they need to make sure
there is not even a dot of pen ink or pencil marks,
not even a folded or creased page, blablabla.
call me a destroyer or wuteva if u must,
but i paid for my books so suke ati aku le nak wat ape. hoho.
( nway, the only thing that turned out gud from this activity is the condition of my biceps! muahahaha. though i must say, my right arm appears more muscular.)
note to self: next time balance the weight of the books equally.


--> restricting my nightly (okla not every nite, but most nites. confirm mama bebel bace nih..lalalala) cinema visits.
this was pure torture, i must say.
there was one time, we were too frikking stressed and couldn't study anymore,
so we just went to see a movie.
BUT only after me and mubin had
drawn up a surat perjanjian on a piece of testpad paper,
which stated that it was gonna be our last night of relaxing,
which was later signed by both of us.
( i suggested we should also get 2 witnesses and ask for their signatures too,
but we were too eager to get our butts out of the library
so we didn't bother. huhu )
the only thing that turned out good from this
was that i managed to save some money.
gud thing too, since MARA has stopped giving us
our monthly cheques since september. boohoo.


--> wondering if there's something terribly wrong with my brain or if there's just a reduced capacity of my brain due to the slight atrophy secondary to lack of usage during the senior clerkship days.
i keep on studying the same thing over and over.
and yet i can't seem to remember or recall certain stuff.
this in turn just leads to further building-up of the pre-existing stress and anxiety.
sigh.


--> having a bad case of snacking in between meals.
(macam diabetic on insulin therapy pulak!)
it's just i get so famished during these study periods.
which leads to wolfing down a big meal.
which leads to sleepiness and drowsiness.
which leads to a quick drive to 7-11 to get a packet of pistachios
to stay awake or simply coz i'm having the munchies,
or sumtimes a quick drive to choice-shop to get a small carton of Haagen-Dazs macadamia nut ice-cream. uuuu yummy yummy.
yep, staying awake definitely is the most toughest job during these study periods. i think it's rather unfortunate that i detest coffee so much, but according to mubin, even coffee doesn't seem to work for him nowadays. hmmm..

--> seeing a whole lot of extra-hairy people.
hehe. in this college, if u see someone with a hell of a beard and scruffy long hair, it means they are having exams.
sometimes, it even takes a while to recognise who it is behind all that male hair.
(^_~)


--> easily pissed-off and irritable. i oweys get a tad more emosh as the exams are looming up. what with all the stress and lack of sleep.
so here i wud like to thank all fwens and family who have put up with me thruout this whole study period and exam week! luv u all!
* and a special thanks to mubin, who is constantly listening to me grumbling, complaining, crying, sighing, sobbing, nagging and what else more on a daily basis!!
thanks for being there for me, for consoling me, for urging me to study when i feel like giving up and most importantly for believing in me even more than i do...!!

thanks cyg :)



--> suddenly breaking into uncontrollable episodes of sobbing and crying episodes.
most people, including my parents, might not understand why i cry,
but i swear, SUMPAH! , that final year MBBS exam is the most mind-stressing, energy-draining, brain-tiring, soul-torturing exam that i have ever gone through.
sumtimes you just feel like giving up.
sumtimes you really regret studying medicine.
but then u think about your parents who have sacrificed so much,
and u look around at your frens and think " i want to graduate together with these people".
and u think about ur future.
sumtimes the crying episodes can't be avoided.
( i am pretty sure that i am not the only one!)
but it's ok, coz sumtimes these episodes lead to a
very relieving and soothing feeling afterwards~

nway nway nway,

all the exams are over now.
i dare not say that i did well.
but i hope i was pass-able.
even if they decide not to pass me,
i hope i get to go for re-assessment.
whatever it takes to pass!!!!!!

it has been a very tough journey indeed.
but manageable due to presence of
frens,
helpful lecturers,
family,
and also not forgetting my source of inspiration, the SAMSUNG JET.
hehehe.

now
all that's left to do is just pray hard
and wait for the results.
(even that is stressful....sigh.)
hope everyone makes it through..!


till then............~