.despair.

it's a new year.
again.

i just realised that i had an entry about 'new year' just 2 posts before this one.

also, i only had  3 posts  for the whole of 2010.

that must mean either:

a) i was too busy

b) i was too lazy

c) my life got so boring that i didnt have anything to ramble about

statement (a)  
probably true during my last 2 postings which were quite hectic.
yep, that's why i had the time to blog during surgical posting coz it was so chillaxing. (woops)

statement (b) 
partly true.
since the only things i bothered to do when i wasn't working was
either go see my sister or sleep.
hmm..
no wonder, i've gotten so many comments from people (fellow housemen and specialists) regarding my voicemail message "Aku tengah tido atau aku tengah keje. Please leave a message."

( once, my specialist called me and i was taking my postcall shower at the time, later he suggested "Hey, why not change your voicemail to AKU TENGAH TIDO ATAU MANDI ATAU KERJA ?")
woops.


statement (c) :
partly true too.
seems like i have become a zombie with a fixed daily routine for the past 1 year.
sure, there have been some 'magical moments' worth blogging about, but then i guess i have evolved into a lazybum who only thinks about getting as much as sleep as she can instead of blogging nowadays.
actually, come to think of it, i do have some pretty bloggable experiences,
but yep, i'm just too lazy to type them out. 
maybe next time.

anyway, i just scrolled to my previous new year's entry.

and as usual, my new year resolutions have soooo not been achieved.

i only made 3 resolutions in my previous entry.
but only 1 was truly accomplished, i think.

so this year i won't bother to make any.

except the one that i answered when they asked me during my recent viva la.

" to become a more competent houseman, and complete my housemanship successfully, sir!"

yep.

1 more long year to go.

hope all will be ay-okay.

anyway, overall 2010 wasn't such a good year for me.

lots of depressing and sad moments.

am glad to see it go...

till then.

later.

. misery .

" The stars lean down to kiss you

And I lie awake and miss you

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.

Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly

But I'll miss your arms around me

I'd send a postcard to you, dear.

Cause I wish you were here.

I'll watch the night turn light blue

But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly.

The silence isn't so bad

Till I look at my hands and feel sad

Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways

Though I haven't slept in two days

Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.

But drenched in vanilla twilight

I'll sit on the front porch all night

Waist deep in thought because when

I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink

I'll think of you tonight

(Tonight, tonight, tonight...)

I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter

And heavy wings grow lighter

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew

But I swear I won't forget you

Oh if my voice could reach back through the past

I'd whisper in your ear:

"Oh darling I wish you were here"


..
..
..

                                                                  

..
..
..
for some reason, lyfe sux rite now.
for some reason, i am a miserable creature, despite cover-ups with silly jokes and fake laughter.
for some reason, i have so much to let out here.
for some reason, i am at a loss of words at this moment.
for some reason, i can't get the above song out of my head.
for some reason, i can't seem to let anyone in.
for some reason, i go through day-to-day life like a zombie.
.
.
for some reason,
i still can't let go.....
...
..
.

 

. dusty .

nearly 4 months olredi since my last entry!

if this were a real diary,
that's what the pages would be,

dusty.

so currently i'm working at a hosp
which seems as if though it was plopped down right in the middle of the highway.

thank god for kewujudan broadband.

or not, i would probably have just given up blog-writing.

   

nways
just as i think i'm sarting to get the hang of things at work,
it's nearly time to change to a new posting again!
i dont wanna leave surgery, coz it TOTALLY ROCKS here!!

( but then, it doesnt mean that i wanna get extended, just so that i can stay longer in surgery...heh)

after this, i dont think there are any more postings that i'm gonna look forward to.
but then life must go on!
slavemanship...  oops... housemanship must be completed!
;)

like i said, surgery here is the coolest posting ever.
the specialists are cool,
the M.O's rock!

but then sadly, the same cant be said about all the H.O's
there have been many issues arising, which i dont think should actually be happening!
and from all these happenings, i discovered something.
ppl can be so damn selfish and hypocritic...

nways,
i'm of course not gonna elaborate on this,
 to avoid bad-mouthing anyone la kan.


but then...
even though this someone i had known throughout college,
and considered as a friend,
was actually the one who was the most selfish,
i just have this to say..

" see, i dont need ur OT calls la wey...
ko tanak sedekah pon, i still managed to get
my appendicectomies (assissted/performed) page filled up, okay.
so there."

and that too, thanks to some colleagues who i only just got to know, for what, a few months je?
gosh...

okla.

cukop la tuh.


myvi aku pon dh siap servis nih.
so nak balik umah.

gotta start studying for my exit viva~!!!!!!!!!!

till the next time then

tataaaaaa

new.

it's 2010!

and i'm starting the new year
with a new job,
and new surroundings,
and new life,
meeting new patients/nurses/specialists/doctors.


though it's scary,
(coz i feel as if i don't remember anything
i studied in med school just a few months back)
but,
i must say,
part of me is actually looking forward to this new challenge in life.


i never really made it a point
to make new resolutions whenever a new year comes up.
coz i know myself too well,
and know that i probably wouldnt have
set about achieving the resolutions.

but this year,
i feel like making resolutions.


1- i think it's about time that i stop waking up in the morning and thinking: 
" oh crap! why do i hav to go to the hospital??
whywhywhy did i ever choose this profession??"
instead.. it's time to be thinking:
" yes, i'm a houseman now,
the slave at the bottom of the food chain all over again!
but, enough of self-pity and complaining,
suck it up and say BRING IT ON!!" 

2- it' time to change my ways of dressing too.
hahaha.
from now on, only really really formal clothes to the hospital,
to avoid scenarios like this:

i was having nite posting
at mlake hospital,
and being me,

i wore my comfortable green sneakers to the ward.
( i so do not see the point in wearing heels when ur job is to stand around for literally the whole day! )

so i went to a makcik's bed
and started flipping through her file
while making small talk with her.
after establishing a rapport with her,
i started to examine her.
she kept looking at my feet,
and smiling to herself.
i just smiled back at her,
knowing that the topic of my shoes would certainly come into our conversation soon.
as if reading my mind,
she said  "dokter, meriah la kasot dokter! hehehe"
i just laughed and said  "ala makcik, kasot ni selesa, makcik. sebab tu saya pakai. lagipon skarang ni malam makcik. hehehe"

and also another time,
i was attending to a young guy.
and he suddenly asked me: "eh, korang ni dulu blaja kat overseas ke?"

i said : "a'ah la. nape eh?"
then he said "blaja kat mane?"
i said: "india. nape eh?"
then he started laughing,
and said: "oooo.. patot le... aku tengok ko ni pakai seluar kaler pink. kawan ko kat situ pulak pakai seluar warna ungu! "
(sigh.. i just dunno why colourful clothing is such a big deal..)


3- another thing i am gonna try to do is
actually use the name that was given to me,
instead of using FRUBETTO or FRU.
i just have gotten so used to people
calling me "weh, FRU" that
sometimes i don't even repond when people call me "wani".

so no more wearing nametags like this to the hospital:

 

well.

since resolutions are a new thing for me,

i guess 3 is enuff.

let's hope i actually do sumthing to achieve them!

and to all my friends,

OLDIBESH in our quest of becoming the slaves of the hospital!!

we can do this la, people!

( i hope i can!)

lastly,

may this year be more prodcutive and fruitful than the last.

bubbye dearest blog..

(seeing as to my extreme busy-ness after this,

i do not know when i will be able to post anything after this!)

;)

precious.

so..
instead of wasting my time,
sitting and moping around,
while repeatedly listening to
'BREAKEVEN' by the script, or
'ALREADY GONE' by kelly clarkson,
and layan-ing my depressed soul,
.............
i actually
(with help of some very good buddies, god  bless them)
managed to haul my ass off to a 1-week vacation in SABAH.
(yep..after 19 years of living in malaysia, i finally set foot on the non-semenanjung part..!)


and i must say,
it did me a lot of good!
just the perfect remedy,
exactly what i needed to take my mind off stuff.
(thanx to GUNA and her sis, for planning and arranging everything, although it was kind of a last minute decision.. hehe.. but hey, evrything worked out just fine and we had an awesome time and that's what matters.)


anyways,
i certainly won't bore u with all the minute details of our time there.
but certain happenings i just wanna jot down here,
for the sake of having a good laugh while reminiscing my past history, later on in life.

- we went to a place called PORING, which consists of:
+ various pools. (which you have to fill up by yourself and actually wait for the water to fill up the pool... it's kinda like taking a bath in my grandma's "kolah air" kat kampung dulu...huhu)

+ hot water springs, which unfortunately were closed on the day we went.
+ a waterfall, with icy cold waterrrrrrrr....brrrrrr..
+ a picnic spot.
+ a canopy walkway.
i must say, the canopy walkway was the most eventful.
huhu.
firstly, we thought we were being so smart
when we decided to keep all our valuable stuff
(including our wallets) in the car.
and so we were confidently marching towards the waterfall,
and we passed the canopy walk counter on the way,
and someone pointed out that we had to actually buy tickets to enter.
everyone was so excited to reach the waterfall,
so we merely shrugged it off and
decided to deal with it later.
after freezing our butts off at the waterfall,
we approached the counter for the canopy walk.
i was busy chatting with an old school friend, ajai.
(whom i stumbled upon here, of all places!!)
so the rest went to take care of the tickets.
then i heard some commotion at the ticket counter,
which went sumthing like this.

"alamak pakcik,
kitorang tak bawak wallet la...

tertinggal dalam kereta.
tapi kitorang ade sket la duit.
ni ha ade 12 ringgit je,
tak cukup 3 ringgit la pakcik.
tolong la pakcik..
kitorang datang dari jauh ni.."

since things were getting interesting,
i hurriedly said bubbye to ajai
and joined the others.
so in the end,
we actually succeded in getting the tickets!!
hehe.
i guess their puppy faces worked la.
coz the pakcik finally agreed to let us
purchase 3 adult tickets and
2 children tickets.
hehe. gud work, gurls!!

then came the ticket collector at the entry site.

crap!

we were praying so hard

that he wouldn't check the tickets one by one and make a big fuss.

and again, luck was on our side.
so we happily trudged on through the canopy walkway.

while illegally snapping photos with full of caution.
(as i mentioned, we didn't even have money to pay for the tickets,

so how on earth were we gonna pay for the extra charge they had set for cameras???)

nway,
we arrived at the end of the walkway,
and again there was a guy there.
dammit!
he immediately asked for our tickets.
crapcrapcrap!!
i just knew rite then,
he must have caught us in the act while we
were too busy trying out various poses on the walkway!!
and i was rite.
he checked our tickets one by one,
and suddenly whipped out a booklet
(which reminded me of a policeman about to give us a saman):

"kamu ada bayar tak untuk camera tadi?"
".....(a moment of awkward silence)....."

"pakcik, maaf la, kitorang tak bawak duit!! tengok tu tiket tu, sebab tu kitorang terpaksa beli tiket kanak-kanak.."

the pakcik started smiling,
and replaced the 'saman' book in his pocket,
and said sumthing about letting us off this time blablablabla.
thank god he didn't decide to delete the photos we took!
OMG!!!
again we were lucky.
so malu-fying, though!
never have i ever had the experience of
begging for tickets on vacations before this!!
hahaha...gud and fun experience though.


------------


gosh.
we then realised sumthing.
it just seems that things are oweys happening here,
which repeatedly prove that
the people of sabah are really very nice!


------------


- another thing that got us all excited,
was of course island-hopping
and SNORKELLING!!!!

initially, after listening to the stories of our friends,
who we bumped into at the airport.
(each one of 'em looking well-tanned, and one even looked like a roasted lobster! hehehe)
we couldn't understand how they could spend hours doing nothing but snorkelling!!


but later, we totally understood and followed in their footsteps too.
i guess we were hyped coz it was a first-time experience,
plus we had a bunch of great teachers!!
- mr. joseph ( who actually dragged me out to sea without a life jacket just to prove that i could do it. plus, he said i have abnormal facial structure and my cheeks were too tembam, when i complained that water kept entering my goggles and nose-piece!!! hey, i can't help having high cheekbones and plump squeezable cheeks! muahahahahaha )
- adib ( who taught me a lot, and repeatedly teased me for not being able to float on my back )
- helmy ( who i found to be a really mysteriously intriguing guy! i guess i have a thing for mysterious guys. hoho. plus, he has a chain with a 'H' pendant on it, just like i do! sigh...it's been so long since i had silly little crushes like this. plus, gunavathy was layan-ing me!* crap. which reminds me of a snippet of a conversation we had in the car..

 

" weh fru...
ko boifren mlayu, cina, india sume dah pernah ade.
tanak add a sabah to your collection ke?"

nway,
i didn't even care that my skin was
looking more and more like a golliwog's.
the hours just seemed to fly by.
and suddenly it started to rain,
and we were forced to go back after visiting only 2 islands.

sigh.
that was sad.
plus we totally forgot about the water sports,
we were that engrossed in looking for fishies and coral reef.
well nvm,
i will definitely go snorkelling again in the future, that's for sure!!

 (p/s: we even had our own BAYWATCH moment, ockay! though that will not be discussed here, to avoid embarassment to a certain individual.)

----------------


- before i pen off,
i'd just like to mention a place totally worth visiting in sabah.
TIP OF BORNEO was damn awesome!
it definitely was worth the bumpy bumpy bumpy bumpy journey!!
such a gorgeously breathtaking view...
i daresay,
if given the opportunity,
i wouldn't mind just spreading out a rug and chilling there,
and just sit & stare at the view for a whole day.

-----------------

ockay,
i guess that's enuff babbling.
so, in a nutshell,
SABAH WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!


though i never thought i'd actually take a vacation there,
i'm certainly glad i did..
and i will definitely come again.

just to quote a famous phrase of a friend of mine,
DR. HISHAM,
(who we all declared as the most excited of the bunch of guys)
anyone who received an SMS from him would have this phrase in it:

"SABAH BEST WOOO!!!!!!"

i agree, hisham.
and i couldn't have put in any other better way!

(^_^)